SHaRPie iNK SMiLe(:

beautiful-lies:

I donno if this is because im selfish of clueless or just don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t know why the person who is meant to want the best from me seems to like me best when im sad. I don’t know why she seems to hate me when im happy. I love her to pieces and the thought of her wishing me away is unbarable. Everything i say is wrong. Everything i do is wrong. She doesnt tell me anymore. I don’t think she loves me anymore. I would give up everything good in my life for her to be happy. For her to just be content. But i guess i always hope that she would never ask me to do that. I miss her more then anything even when shes right in front of me. She doesnt look me in the eyes and she doesnt smile my way. She doesnt tell me whats wrong, and i dont know how im meant to know. I dont know what i’m supposed to do. She seems happiest when she is with other people. other people who are not me. I feel like i’m fighting for something that she doesn’t care about anymore. I feel like everything is crashing down. I want her to tell me what’s wrong. Something i can fix. I want to be able to sit with her, just the two of us and say nothing but know that there is no silence between us. I want her to know that im always here for her, no matter how many miles are between us. My plan backfired on me. I wanted her to get used to not having me around a little. I wanted her to not be hurt when i leave. I am not scared for myself, im scared of leaving behind the things i once supported. Things went wrong. Not only does she not need me to support her all the time. She doesnt need me at all. I guess im not needed anymore. As long as she knows that i will always be here if she needs me, if she decides that she needs someone to lean on, to talk to, to shout to or cry. I will always love her, and i don’t expect anything in return. But that doesnt mean i wont miss her. I spent so much time thinking about how she will be once im gone. I forgot to think about me once im away from here. I can’t. I just can’t let go. I miss it all too much. I don’t want to have to fight anymore. I miss her. I miss you my dear♥

XoX LuCiNdA XoX

 you’re not doing anything wrong. i’m just depressed about nothing and i have no clue why. i shouldn’t take that out on you, but there just seems to be this monster that takes over and spews bitchyness everywhere. i am jealous of your happiness, but that doesn’t mean i want to take it away. i love you and i’m sorry. i just have to sort out what is going on with me right now, because honestly i have no idea what’s making me act like this): <3<3<3